Thursday, December 22, 2005

No Virginia. There is no Santa Claus.

We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of "The World according to Jidoshi."

Dear Editor-

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, "If you see it in The World according to Jidoshi, then it's so." Please tell me the truth, Is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O'Hanlon.

Virginia, your little friends are right. It is better to be skeptical in this skeptical age. No Virginia, there is no Santa Claus. He exists about as much as love and generosity, and devotion exist. Life is dreary. You might as well believe in faeries. You might get your papa to hire men to watch all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus coming down, but they will catch nothing. Nobody has ever seen Santa Claus. So what does that prove? The only real things in the world are what men and children can see. Did you ever see faeries dancing on the lawn? of course not, thats proof that they are not there. Only money, power, and investments can allow you to see the glory and beauty beyond. Is Santa Real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing more unreal and unabiding. He does not live. Not now, nor a thousand years ago. He will however, continue to make unglad the hearts of children.

Merry Christmas. Posted by Picasa

Jidoshi's eye opening Christmas of 77'

What does Christmas mean to Jidoshi? On this momentous and Joyful holiday season, I find myself reflecting upon the memories of that magical Christmas time of my boyhood, the year, it was 1977, and little Jidoshi was only seven years young. Little Jidoshi found himself waiting in line to go to cafeteria to eat a Christmas lunch the school had prepared for the children, the day before we were to be let out for that glorious 2 week respite from the harsh elements of school. That magical time where for 2 weeks we frolic in the snow and pretend for 1 brief moment, time stood still, and the only thing that mattered was our happiness. Litle Jidoshi for one was entertaining the possibilities that Santa might bring me a green machine this christmas. Until the little red-headed snot-nose brat with pigtails who stood in front of me turned around and asked me that question all children would come to learn and hate. "Do you believe in Santa?" What a most absurd question, "OF COURSE I DO, WHY WOULDN'T I." Ive been exceptionally good, and if all goes well I'll be driving a Green Machine, while the rest of you losers are stuck with that childish mediocre second rate vehicle, the Big Wheel. "Well you shouldn't," she quickly replied. "Because it's really your parents, they just wait for you to go to sleep and then they put out the presents and say it's from Santa." ???????? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY!!!?? EXCUSE ME??? PLEASE TELL ME THIS BITCH IS OUT OF HER FUCKIN MIND! Needless to say Jidoshi was flabbergasted. So much for Christmas lunch. Jidoshi could not wait to get home and ask his dear old Mother for an answer to this puzzling piece of information. She always made things clear and seem allright. But when Jidoshi's mom was asked to explain this troubling piece of information, Jidoshi's Mothers expression became somber and she told the little seven-year old, "Well what do you think?" What do I think!!! I'm only fucking seven!! Why do you think I'm asking?! I don't fucking know shit! Thats why I'm asking!!!! Dammit!!! "Well if you believe Santa is real then he's real, if you don't, then he's not." ????!!!????!!!???!! What the hell did you just say?! If I believe he is then he's real, if I don't he's not! But in that one brief statement The world according to Jidoshi became clear. Jidoshi would forever fight against the Zionistic holidays that are enshrouded in lies. Whether you call it call it Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukkah, or whatever term you use to blind yourself. That same Easter Jidoshi baked his eggs in the hot sun for 2 weeks before painting them for the Easter Egg hunt. As my little cousin lay in his putrid pile of vile vomit, his blue face and tongue gasping for air as the noxious gaseous fumes permeated his lungs, after I had cracked my potent egg concoction over his head, I looked deep into his red tearing eyes and said, "If you believe in the Easter bunny then he is real, if you don't, then he is not." Yes, the Christmas of 77' will always be Jidoshi's favorite Christmas. When Jidoshi decided to walk away from the foolishness of childhood and became a man. It was then that Jidoshi wrote the four laws of nature. Number 1. Life is blight and misery. Number 2. Grow eyes in the back of your head. Number 3. Don't trust anybody. and Number 4. The Jewish hand of the Government is everywhere, usually in your back pocket. "Merry Christmas to all you poor miserable bastards."

All that is stupid about the Holidays.

This picture represents it all. The true meaning of Christmas. Two dufuses sitting on that fat asshole's lap. Thinking Santa's gonna bring them a bike, a blue gorilla, a talking chair, or some other stupid shit dumbass kids are always asking for. Just wait till they get the shaft like Jidoshi did way back in 77'. The kid on the left looks like Santa finished sticking his thumb up his butt.