Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Free Legal Advice for Joran Van Der Sloot.

Straight off, you and I both know your guilty as fuck. But you got balls kid. I like that. You know how to look out for yourself. Your the kind of guy that can look a guy in the eye, shake their hand, then put a knife in their back. When the shit hit the fan, you wasted no time pointing your finger at the two black security guards and said,"They did it." When Natalee Holloway's mother ran up to you and said,"I wan't my daughter!" you looked straight at her and said, "What do ya' want me to do about it?!" You got Hutzpah Joran, and lots of it. Heck, I'll bet that your parents never told you about their life insurance policies because if they did, they know they'll end up at the bottom of a well. Now I don't wanna know how you did it. My guess is ya took her out on a boat a couple miles offshore and turned her into sharkbait. However, being the enterprising young prick that you are, you probably found a way to make some cash off Natalee, like that videotape you were selling of the 14 year old local girl you raped. Yeah, thats it! You and those cronies of yours with the fucked up names, what do you call them, uh Satish Kalpoe and that other brown one. Yeah, probably sold her ass to a white slavery ring. Shes probably getting porked right now by some Ali Baba mother fucker in the middle east. But like I said, I'm just here to offer some free legal advice. Number One! Don't admit to shit. No body = No case. Just keep telling them all those stories of yours that change every week. Tell them it was the one-armed man. How old was that chick? Only 17!!! Why didn't you say so. We'll run a crosscheck. Theres a good chance George Clooney or Tom Cruise may have been in town. Now the authorities got crap for a case. They got no motive, other than you wanted a blowjob. They arrested the two security guards, they arrested you and those two brown friends of yours with the pointy heads. Then they arrested your dad, then they arrested that ugly looking Nightclub DJ guy. Hell, lets face it. They dont know what to do. The local cops are morons. If that Natalee Holloway's Mom keeps running her mouth about the way Aruba is handling the case, I predict they will arrest her next for the murder. Just sit out a couple of months in that cell and remember, No publicity is bad publicity. When you get out you can sell your story for megabucks. Now sometimes your gonna feel this little burning in the back of your head. Thats your guilty conscience telling you to admit the truth. Don't do it!! Telling the truth is NEVER a good idea. You wanna know why? Cuz yer gonna get raped Joran! Thats right!! Everytime you feel like telling the truth about what happened, at the same time think about yourself getting chain gang raped everday in prison with the name Sue tattoed on your butt. Keep fighting the powers that be My brother! Soon you will have all the bitches you want, without having to drug or intoxicate them first. That or you'll be somebody's bitch. Peace!


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