Thursday, July 28, 2005

Ellen Degenerate and some other no talent bulldyke.

Do you recognize these two dudes? No?! Ha, I fooled ya! This aint two guys, its a couple ogf the ugliest dykes in hollywood. The first one who looks like a blind man went to town on her with an ugly stick is Ellen Degeneres. The other one is named who gives a damn. Just some worthless no-talent B-Movie actress who thought she'd get in the limelight by being a rug muncher. Well, it didn't work. But the wrinkled old one in the front has a tv show or something. Not that i know anyone that has ever seen it. I hear shes been in a few movies, but I don't know anyone that saw one. Ellen is supposed to be a comedian, even though I dont know anyone that can honestly say they laughed at one of her one-liners. She basically tries to interview and kid around with anyone who has 15 minutes of fame. Last time I saw her she was singing a duet with that idiot William hung. You know, the mongoloid lookin chinaman who couldn't sing Ricky Martin's "She bangs," if his life depended on it. Yeah, I kid you not, she sang a duet with that fool. Thats called grasping for straws. That means you got 2 minutes left on that 15 minutes of fame you been dragging out in hollywood all these years. Your show will be cancelled just like that other taco-eating bitch Rosie O'Donnell. Get with it Ellen. Your not interesting because your a dyke. Haven't you noticed, the Butches and Fairies are running all over Hollywood and the reality shows. Your problem is that the gays and lesbians are all better looking than you. Hell, guys love bulldykes, as long as they are good looking. I would never wanna watch Ellen's wrinkly old Hatchet-Face going at it with another woman. Not even a donkey. Shes just too fucking ugly. I mean shes FUGLY!! Theres two things I dont like about Ellens routine. She does her stupid dancing, and her stupid commentaries on politics that are supposed to be funny. For one, you just dont look right when your dancing. Your trying to show you can boogie, but you look more like an old wrinkled prune thats rolling around to some music. Your that old idiot that gets on the dancefloor at the nightclub and everyone starts laughing and yelling,"Go Grandma, Go Grandma, Go Grandma!" And your jokes?? Talk about unoriginal. All you do is badmouth straight people and politicians. Its real easy to talk smack about your President who at least tries to do something. Not like you who dont do shit except say your expected wisecracks and do your lame dancing. Listen, Ellen, your dancing doesn't mean your hip or cool and your jokes suck ass. I laughed more at Schindler's list than I did your stand-up comedy. Hell, if you think her jokes are funny, then you should go rent The Pianist. You'll love that one. It's real funny. Why stop there, theres a whole bunch of great sketch comedies you can see, like Hanoi Hilton and The Killing Fields. You'll be rolling on the floor. You need to get over it Ellen. Just take your Geritol, drink your Metamucil, and most importantly make sure you wear your adult diaper so you quit pooping all over the place. Do you get what Im saying? Your a 60 years + nasty smelly old skank, so face the music. Bottom line is you failed. Go wherever it is you old no-talent bastards go.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Urgent: Obi Wan Kenobi, you have a message in waiting.

Hey yo, Obi Wan. Whats up. Im just chillin here in the afterlife with some of my old homies. Looks like that no good chickenshit Darth Maul stabbed me from behind when I wasn't lookin. He also had about 10 guys on his side to help him out. They waited till I was drunk too, cuz they knew if they faced me one on one I'd kick all their asses. Punks! Hey, I heard you took out Darth Maul and got revenge for me, Huh? Right on, I hope you stuck your lightsabre right up his ass!! If I see that little shit running around here in the afterlife, you better believe I'll get a piece of his ass. Like to see what he can do when its one on one. Oh, but hey, Theres something I wanted to tell you. Remember when I was dying and I told you to train Anakin Skywalker to be a jedi. Well don't!! I made a big mistake. Anakin is not the chosen one. If you train his ass, he's gonna use the force and kill all your asses. No kidding, it seems he's gonna turn bad and take out half the mother fuckin' galaxy. I repeat, don't train Anakin to be a jedi!! In fact, take him out back and kill his ass. Laters dude, I got some bitches waiting for me. Posted by Picasa

Monday, July 11, 2005

History of Racism, pt. 1. Scratchbacks vs. Wetbacks.

Jidoshi is born and bred in the southwest. Therefore Jidoshi has come in contact with a lot of racism. He has since gone on to earn a Phd in Racist Socialism. We, the friends of "The world according to Jidoshi,"are proud to have Jidoshi agree to write a new column series "History of Racism." We are sure our readers will find it some of the most interesting, provocative, and eye-opening exposes we have covered thus far.

If there's one thing I hate, is midwesterners, southerners, and northerners coming down here and calling the locals "Scratchbacks." There are no "Scratchbacks" in the Southwest. If your gonna start slinging racial slurs then at least get your name calling right!! So listen up all you Northern city-bred china-lovin' yankee scum, all you southern fried holler white trash, and especially you, you buncha podunk midwestern hoosier tick-farming bastards! In the southwest you call them "Wetbacks!" There are no scratchbacks out here,like in California, where they crawl under fences and get their backs scratched. They gotta cross the Rio Grande river so they get wet. Get it? Water, rivers, wetbacks. If you wanna go further, you can call all mexicans greasers and beaners, but don't call them Spics. Thats a word for Puerto Ricans. Like I said. If your gonna call someone names, at least get it right. So you don't look like some dumb inbred mongoloid, like you probably already are.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

That stupid boy scout kid.

Whats wrong with this picture. I kind of was happy to find out this little piece of white trash was still running around in the hills of Utah after that long search. Then I found out they could of saved his ass a lot earlier. The parents kept bragging how their kid knew all these wilderness survival techniques from years of boy scouting and camping. But during the search, the parents conveniently left out the fact that their son was a bonified idiot with the brains of one of those lemmings that are always flying off a cliff. The kid knew to get away from trees and stick to wide open spaces so he can be easily spotted, but whats really moronic is the kid was supposed to be careful and stay away from strangers. The kid was sticking to the rules of looking for help in wide open spaces but kept hiding when someone got close to finding him?? This has got to be the single most stupid thing I ever heard. When I found out the kid could have been saved numerous times I wish a bear had eaten him. This is why its against the law for family members to reproduce. Next time one of those Inbred Jeds from Utah gets lost and they need to do a big search, I hope they remember this little retard. They should put him through one of those gauntlets like they did on the old ships when they caught someone stealing food. All the people that wasted their time in the search line up in two rows with sticks, ropes and 2 X 4s, while the person runs through them they just let him have it. Allright, maybe thats a bit too drastic, but the getting eaten by a bear would be acceptable. This punk kid verifies everything I ever thought of the boy scouts. Their just a bunch of wimps. We used to laugh at them when we were kids and we'd call them the pickles. When we'd see them coming through the sage brush doing their expeditions we'd throw rocks at them and shoot them with our B.B. guns. You really wanna toughen up your kid and teach them the facts of life, then you do what my dad did. You just drop off your kid in the middle of the worst slum in New York and drive off telling the little bastard to find his way home.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Free Legal Advice for Joran Van Der Sloot.

Straight off, you and I both know your guilty as fuck. But you got balls kid. I like that. You know how to look out for yourself. Your the kind of guy that can look a guy in the eye, shake their hand, then put a knife in their back. When the shit hit the fan, you wasted no time pointing your finger at the two black security guards and said,"They did it." When Natalee Holloway's mother ran up to you and said,"I wan't my daughter!" you looked straight at her and said, "What do ya' want me to do about it?!" You got Hutzpah Joran, and lots of it. Heck, I'll bet that your parents never told you about their life insurance policies because if they did, they know they'll end up at the bottom of a well. Now I don't wanna know how you did it. My guess is ya took her out on a boat a couple miles offshore and turned her into sharkbait. However, being the enterprising young prick that you are, you probably found a way to make some cash off Natalee, like that videotape you were selling of the 14 year old local girl you raped. Yeah, thats it! You and those cronies of yours with the fucked up names, what do you call them, uh Satish Kalpoe and that other brown one. Yeah, probably sold her ass to a white slavery ring. Shes probably getting porked right now by some Ali Baba mother fucker in the middle east. But like I said, I'm just here to offer some free legal advice. Number One! Don't admit to shit. No body = No case. Just keep telling them all those stories of yours that change every week. Tell them it was the one-armed man. How old was that chick? Only 17!!! Why didn't you say so. We'll run a crosscheck. Theres a good chance George Clooney or Tom Cruise may have been in town. Now the authorities got crap for a case. They got no motive, other than you wanted a blowjob. They arrested the two security guards, they arrested you and those two brown friends of yours with the pointy heads. Then they arrested your dad, then they arrested that ugly looking Nightclub DJ guy. Hell, lets face it. They dont know what to do. The local cops are morons. If that Natalee Holloway's Mom keeps running her mouth about the way Aruba is handling the case, I predict they will arrest her next for the murder. Just sit out a couple of months in that cell and remember, No publicity is bad publicity. When you get out you can sell your story for megabucks. Now sometimes your gonna feel this little burning in the back of your head. Thats your guilty conscience telling you to admit the truth. Don't do it!! Telling the truth is NEVER a good idea. You wanna know why? Cuz yer gonna get raped Joran! Thats right!! Everytime you feel like telling the truth about what happened, at the same time think about yourself getting chain gang raped everday in prison with the name Sue tattoed on your butt. Keep fighting the powers that be My brother! Soon you will have all the bitches you want, without having to drug or intoxicate them first. That or you'll be somebody's bitch. Peace!

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Things I like, by popular demand. Not like in other stupid blogs.

I said I would never do this. If theres one thing I hate about people's blogs is having to read what their hobbies are. What their like and dislikes are. Like we're getting to know them intimately, or some stupid shit like that. They all sound the same anyways, "I like to party, chilling with my friends blah blah blah, I like clubbing and dancing and blah blah blah, reading poetry, drawing, and blah blah blah, and blah blah make sad, and blah blah makes me cry and frankly who really gives a flying ratsass!!! But here goes, because I get too damn many requests to know more about Jidoshi personally!

1. When theres a traffic jam on the opposite side of the freeway and the traffic has stopped, I like to drive slowly by the people stuck in the jam and honk my horn and wave at them.

2. Whenever I see a hitchiker thats sticking out his thumb, I drive by real slow and stick out my thumb back at them and yell, "Right On!"

3. I wait till everyone is asleep and then pile a bunch of bowls and plates, food and cereal boxes in the middle of the kitchen floor. When they wake up in the morning they think there's a poltergeist living in their house.

4. When it rains, I tell little kids that God is crying because of something that they did.

5. When really bad things happen to the rich and famous. Like John Kennedy jr's plane going down. I had a party and danced till I dropped.

6. When someones in any competition and comes soo close to succeeding that they can see the finish line, to have it snatched away right before their eyes. I love that look on their face.

7. Wrestling-The bad guys. Nothing better than watching a gang of bad guys beating the hell out of the fans favorite hero.

8. When that snotty kid up the street gets a spanking.

9. that scene from speed where the scared lady in the bus is sticking her hand out for help to get off the bus and gets her ass all blown up to hell. Yeah! Ill wear out a video rewinding that scene.

10. Money, women, beer, x-box, crank calls, death threats, and enough already! Who do you think you are? You tryin to psychoanalyze me or something?

So there, are you happy? Do you feel enlightened? Do you feel that you have gotten to know me better? Good. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Now get lost, jackass!!